1.7 Once a Rat, always the worst.

I've NEVER liked this guy. His appearance on "Entourage" felt all too real, the horror stories out of Hollywood about the way he presents himself, a lot of it was clearly true, but it all finally came to a head this week:

http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=84110

Honestly, is THIS who should have been producing the Oscars, the most glamorous night in Hollywood??!! The man made "Rush Hour 3", we should keep him AWAY from the Kodak, not let him RUN THE SHOW!

Shame on Brett Ratner (like that hasn't been said before) for finally being the douche better-natured folk couldn't believe him to actually be. Hopefully all the garbage about the "casting couch" type of stuff that goes on with him is as fake as his alleged (now confirmed fictional) tryst with Olivia Munn.

Talk about shooting above your pay grade there, Rat.

OH, I FORGOT TO MENTION! This is the gutless director who RUINED the original X-Men trilogy with "The Last Stand:", which honestly, as a comic book movie, stinks worse than "Ghost Rider". Maybe even "Elektra". At least that movie was doomed from the get-go, "X-Men 3" had potential. Ugh.

Maybe the Academy will put a call in to McG, clearly their first choice was as inspired....

1.6 Tis' the season for tunes!

It's been a particularly good year for Christmas music this year, simply because a decent and harmless act decided to do a whole album! And I'm not talking about Bieber.

I'm talking about indie darlings She & Him! Seriously, since this record got announced, it's been crazy high on my radar. I am a total sucker for the Zooey Deschanel schtick (if you want to cynically refer to it as that.), and the retro chic quality of all their recordings to date just gets my warm and fuzzy side buzzing. I really wouldn't want the market to become saturated, there are after all, only so many Christmas songs, but when a group like this takes it on, the sound remains so original. It's a really exciting reminder of the greatest season of all, and a total gem in this years release catalogue.

Also, it would be my duty as a massive fan to inform everyone that Coldplay did write and release an original Christmas song last year, titled "Christmas Lights". The stunning cover art is pictured here. It's probably one of their absolute best songs, everyone should have it in heavy rotation this holiday season.

So, how does everyone feel about yuletide music? I don't think I have many readers (full stop there, really....) who don't celebrate Christmas, so this feels like a pretty open question. Love to see some comments and feedback!

TRY THESE TUNES: Coldplay "Christmas Lights", She & Him "A Very She & Him Christmas" (album), James Taylor "At Christmas" (album)

1.5 Boxed In

EDIT: I've heard my posts are a bit long winded. I can believe that. Instead of posting these massive novel-like updates, I'll focus more on bringing posts more frequently, ideally one or two a day. We'll see how that goes.


I have an addiction. Well, I have a few. But one that's getting a real work out this season imparticular. It's Box Sets. I can't stay away. I've done some crazy things to get my hands on even crazier items. Do I regret it? Not nesscarily.

It does make me seem like this crazy consumer, someone obsessed with monetary goods, but that can be turned back on almost anyone. Do you own fancy clothes and sniff at anything from anywhere simple? What about your car? Everyone has their vices they contend with and accept. In the end, collecting is almost a sport for me. I'm rarely competing with anyone I know, most people I know can barely appreciate the gravity that some of what I've gathered means.

I'm not going to talk about rare stuff though. I'm talking about Box Sets. The ones that have come out THIS YEAR. It has been wild...

1. The BIG One: U2's "Achtung Baby" 20th Anniversary Uber Box Set

Yeah. 6 CD's, 4 DVD's, 5 45's, the album on Vinyl, and BONO'S FUCKING SUGLASSES. Books too. This had to happen. I'm the only biggest U2 fan I know, and I'm going to walk around my house wearing those sunglasses. And only those sunglasses.

 2. Last Year's Epic Battle: The White Stripes Holiday Merchandise Set

This was announced maybe two weeks before it was due to be released, right around December... 5th, I recall. There were only going to be 333 of them released. They're beautiful. It had to be mine. I had no idea how I was going to find $500 by the date. In the end, I had to wait up all night refreshing the Third Man Store webpage, they went on sale at 5:15 AM. This is my life.

3. The Aforementioned: The Smiths Complete

I've discussed this one in great detail. It's one hell of a package, probably the best value for the dollar, considering I paid $175 for an item (thank you, Amazon's Pre-Order Price Guarantee!) that I could flip for around $800 already. But would I? Not on your life.

The craziest part here is what I didn't partake in. Pink Floyd have just reissued everything, and while they're not my favorites, that "Dark Side of the Moon" box is calling me... Nirvana's "Nevermind" celebrated an anniversary and subsequently tried to lure me in, I resisted altogether. The Beach Boys "Smile Sessions" remains a moot point with me, I can't see myself committing to the full box (5 discs, 4 of which are outtakes, it's way too in depth for it's own good), the double disc special edition is sharp. Not to mention the Bowie "Station To Station" box I snagged in early January... Oh, and of course Coldplay have a box set version of "Mylo Xyloto". Rest assured, it's been ordered.

But honestly, do box sets appeal to anyone like they do to me? Music box sets tend to offer a lot more than say, video games or movies (and I certainly have my fair share of those...), but is this content overload anyone else's jam? Let me know!

TRY THESE TUNES: Iggy Pop "Real Wild Child", The Bravery "Slow Poison"

Halloween Trick Or Treater Live Blog 2011

October 31st has arrived. Pumpkins carved, films viewed (sometimes reluctantly by certain viewers), and the blog has found a brand new home, here on Cultural Catharsis.

This year, I remain undecided what I'll watch from the laptop. I've already watched "Ghostbusters" today, whilst carving pumpkins, and hopefully I'll be able to convince a certain someone to watch "The Exorcist" tonight. It is tradition, after all.

It's been a weird fall for the state of horror in film, "The Thing" didn't play so well (I haven't made it out to see it yet, either), and "Paranormal Activity 3" dominated the competition, leaving few studios to release anything. "Fright Night" came out in August, inexplicably, and while it got great reviews and was an absolute riot, it just didn't catch an audience. Alas. Some argue horror is dying, I simply argue it needs to be done right. "The Walking Dead" and "PA3" are perfect examples. If it's worth watching, they will watch. Anyway, enough soapboxing.

The pumpkin roster this year got downright dirty and ambitious. A total of 10 (!!!) pumpkins were carved with care today. Jess crafted a Tinkerbell pumpkin and a Stitch pumpkin, and I do think the Stitch is undoubtedly the best. I myself carved Sam's Face from "Trick R Treat" again (it's a classic as far as I'm concerned, watch it!), Jack Skellington's Pumpkin King face, a classic Jack O Lantern, Autobot and Decepticon logos (sibling requests), music notes, a spooky tree and pumpkin, and the classic Jaws poster! I'm going to figure out how to put pictures up here ASAP.

Candy selection remains relatively simple, the Nestle variety pack (smarties, kit kat, coffee crisp and aero) with a Reese/Hershey variety pack thrown in too. Classic.

3...2...1... Blog.

6:28 - Early birds. I hate early birds. I'm trying to put the pumpkins out, dammit! It's my brother's friend and his little brother. They dressed as General Grievous from Star Wars (decent costume, storebought) and the three year old was Mario (not storebought, kid was cute as hell). That's 2 so far.

6:37 - One little girl, maybe four years old, dressed as a witch. The costume had lots of layers and pieces, really solid stuff. She probably could have had her face painted, but I'm not losing any sleep over that, face paint is uncomfortable!

6:45 - Two boys, friends of my brothers, one is our next door neighbour. They both dressed as mummies to varying degrees of success. Costumes were home made, props for that, but they did allegedly steal the idea from my brother. Bad karma, boys... Ryan had to go as a rock star instead.

6:58 - FOUR boys, all around 10-11. They were, and I quote: "A ghost, a zombie with an afro, a robber on vacation and... Him." "Him" was some sort of grim reaper type thing. Good for them, they're having fun. We are already at 9 kids. Lookin goooood. (Knock on wood.)

SIDE NOTE - Plenty of compliments on the pumpkins, particularly Tink, Stitch and Jaws. Gotta love it.

7:12 - Five dudes, all my brother's friends. Why he didn't go out, I'll never know. Anyway, they were: The guy from "Minecraft", Mr. Potato Head, a green morphsuit (so lazy... he wasn't even Green Man!), Ghostface from scream, and my brother's friend Braden was "Brad, from our school. Ask Kyle. Brad's the worst." He was dressed as a bro'd out douche, so I guess that's what Brad is. These boys were all around 14, which coincidentally is how many people we've had already!

7:14 - Two girls with their mom. One girl was Hermione, I didn't notice the wand at first, she was wearing a GAP sweater over her robe too, and had glasses... Whatever. Her sister was Belle from Beauty and the Beast, but a zombie version. The older girl was Hermione, maybe 10, the Zombie Belle was like... 5 or 6.  Respect. SIXTEEN PEOPLE!!!


7:28 - Two more girls, one a sorceress and the other a Skeleton-Bride. Points for more complex concepts than witch and ghost. They were with their father, who had a dog hat on. Solidarity, pops.

SIDE NOTE #2 - We may be going for a record year here. It's not even 8, and I'm already at 18. 23 is the magic number, let's hear it for 24! BIG MONEY! Also, just figured out how to upload images direct from my iPhone to imageshack, therefore putting them IN THE BLOG LIVE! Here's for genius!

7:39 - Two more little girls, 7 and 3, I'd say. Both witches. Wearing hoodies. I guess it IS chilly out... Witches are out in full force this year. 20 kids. We're going for gusto. Almost used up a full bowl of candy!

PUMPKIN INTERLUDE:

7:46 - RECORD TIED. Three girls, all around 13-ish, one a hobo, one Wonder Woman (not the traditional one, that would be cold and inappropriate.) and a Supergirl. Nice enough, spoke highly of the pumpkins. Little do they know, them ringing my doorbell made this the best Halloween since 2007!

7:55 - AND RECORD BROKEN! A little girl being carried around by her parents, she's literally a baby in a ladybug costume, her parents dressed up too: a foreman and a witch (how many witches is that now?)! RECORD BROKEN! BROKEN! YAY!

7:56 - THE STREAK CONTINUES! My brothers came back to deposit candy and warm up, and brought a friend, Sebastian, who is now the RECORD SETTING 25TH TRICK OR TREATER OF 2011! CASA DE PEDRICK IS ON FIRE! He's dressed as a Shopping Bag, and it's pretty funny. HOT DAMN.

8:18 - Two more girls, maybe 10 and 4? The older one was a vampire, the younger one a monkey. Complimented the pumpkins again (love that the work pays off), perfectly nice. Mom said thanks. 27 kids, what a year. Not expecting to see many more though.

8:35 - The robber on vacation and "Him" from earlier (brother's friends) came back. I expressed my displeasure for their faux pas, and awarded them singular pieces of candy. Not classy.

EDITORIAL INTERLUDE

It's odd to see Halloween ebb and flow like this. The holiday seems more commercial than ever, how many costume stores did you see pop up over town this year? Tons. It's becoming a whole season, and it should always be about the scares and the fantasy of things that go bump in the night.

Halloween gets a lot of flack from conservative religious or uptight folk, but any real ties to sinister nature are long gone. Halloween is about fun, and that's why it's marketed to kids. It doesn't "promote violence" or anything of the sort. I don't think any of my costumes were ever inherently "evil", and I always had a good time.

The night of Halloween shouldn't differ for kids when it's a weekend or a weeknight. I really think it should be a statutory holiday, and parents should embrace the sense of community around them, and their kids should go out and get that candy till they can barely walk. I know that up here, it's cold and what not, but a night like tonight? Very little wind, no snow, BUNDLE UP AND TRICK OR TREAT, DAMMIT.

Pumpkins are essential, and I'm saddened to say that while I think every house on my cul de sac is offering candy, only two of us could be bothered to carve pumpkins. It's not very appealing to glance down our street, we don't look festive at all. If I had planned ahead, I would have carved many, many more (not all complex) to lure people down the road on to the pathway to my glorious pumpkin patch. But hindsight is 20/20.

The concept of making your lawn an event is something that attracts me, and I think parents like the idea of simply driving around to these few showpieces. It makes the night seem bigger, and it ends up being less work. It's truly North American for us to find a way to make a night about getting free candy become less strenuous and exercise like, but there it is.

Did we work harder for the candy as kids? I seem to think so. The sheer ground covered by myself and others in the past is testament to it. You go out as soon as night falls, and dammit, you stay out until people take their pumpkins in. Some houses in our neighbourhood used to hand out cotton candy (FRESH STUFF. They made it right there in their garage.), and a huge house on the corner handed out chips and cans of pop. I actually remember waiting in a LINE for those houses. I don't know if they still do, I haven't been out in years. If they get as many kids as I do, it hardly seems worth it.

It seems like in the age of the internet and social awareness being as slanted as it can be, the sense of community that should come with Halloween is lost. People don't wander around their neighborhood with their kids because THEY DON'T KNOW THEIR NEIGHBORS. And that's a damn shame.

I don't want to see Halloween die. My parents don't like it, and I guarantee, unless I convince a brother below me to take up the mantle, when everyone here is of age, no pumpkins will be put out, and no fun will be had. It's not their thing. Why? I don't know. My father deems the whole affair needless, but if that's true, that mindless fun for the sake of fun is needless, then why do we bother with anything? The whole Christmas season is so removed from whatever it meant to any religious denomination at any point, that to call it worthwhile would be a severe stretch and an insult to Halloween.

I get more and more in to Halloween every year. This year I did 10 pumpkins. Next year? I'd like to do double that. I want to become an event house, people driving up to it, because it's about creating that sense of wonder for kids, and hell, even adults. People like my pumpkins, it's impressive. I want to make something that is fun for me to do, and more fun for people to see. Everyone deserves to have a little fun. Especially on Halloween.

9:00 - One guy, just dressed for cold weather. He was probably about 15, out by himself. He had a snowboarding jacket on, and I said "What are you dressed as, make it up..." and he snipped back "A rainbow." Sure enough, flashy Quiksilver coat it was, I laughed. Also, props for going solo and not backing down, and FURTHER props for not ringing my doorbell, which too many people did this year. He simply shouted Trick or Treat outside my door. Mad respect.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Well, it's been a record breaking year. I can't really complain, can I? Halloween still isn't what it used to be, but I think people are recognizing that now, and maybe, just maybe, bringing it back. 28 kids is nothing to shake a stick at, it's almost DOUBLE last year (13....), but if the night is right and the weather is consistent, it's a good time. Do your part though, carve a pumpkin or two, and let people know you're down to Hallow. This is my favorite part of fall, and this year was a gooder. Hopefully I can coax Jess in to watching SOMETHING... End Halloween Live Blog 2011.

PUMPKIN INTERLUDE #2

1.4 Audiences with very little brain

I made a purchase on Bluray this week (shocking, I know.), and without a doubt, I think it's helped secure a movie as my favorite of the year, ousting one that I didn't think could be ousted. But here we are, and ladies and gentlemen, "Bridesmaids" may no longer be my favorite film of 2011. That title may now belong to "Winnie The Pooh".

 

The movie is simply a stunner across the board. Everyone who sees it is blown away, and they should be. The visuals, both in terms of color and performance, are so crisp and defined, yet totally capture the warmth of a classically animated film. Seeing hand drawn animation again is insanely refreshing, but the lack of competition in this category makes the film stand out even more.

I won't go in to details about the plot or the gags, but rest assured, this is one of the funniest movies of the year. A lot of the humor is "blink and you'll miss it", but you won't be able to tear your eyes away from the screen as it is, the film is just so interesting and beautiful.

Every character gets screentime that epitomizes the essence of their reputation. Eeyore, Tigger, Kanga and Roo, Rabbit, Owl and even Piglet all get these moments to shine, but in the end, the movie still belongs to Pooh Bear. The subtle looks or quick quips he makes are definitive of what is probably the most clever scipt written this year, and that is a statement I stand behind.

The film runs extremely short, but it remains a rare quality for a movie to end prematurely and truly leave you wanting more. You can blame it on this being a movie aimed for young children, but the content of this is meant to literally please everybody. The short runtime is incidental, and I guarantee when the credits roll (there's a scene after them!), you'll just start the movie over. It's seriously that good.

I can't rave about the movie enough, there's so much I'm not writing about, it just delivers on every level. Which is why I'm so pissed about the films success...

This movie was meant to bring Pooh back in to the mainstream, to create a success theatrically was all John Lassetter (Executive Producer on the film, head honcho of Pixar who got promoted to a top position for supervising ALL Disney movies) wanted. But guess what? Summer 2011 was a foolish time to release a movie like this, an utter gem. "Winnie The Pooh" went up against "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2". How do you think that went down? It was a fucking bloodbath. Did anyone KNOW this movie was in theaters? No way. Disney did absolutely NOTHING to promote the film, it's embarrassing how little apparent faith they had in the project.

Did you even SEE this poster at a theater?

The film remains one of the highest rated and reviewed of the summer. It destroyed all other animated offerings (Kung Fu Panda 2: 82%, Cars 2: 38%) with a 91% on Rotten Tomatoes, but barely made back its budget. It's a shame, because this should have been a hit. Which is why now, in the age of DVD and Bluray sales being more closely monitored by studios, viewing this movie at home is crucial to ensure films like this stand a chance.

I'm encouraging anyone and everyone who reads this to buy this movie. That's it, plain and simple. If you'd known in advance and acted quickly, there was a $5 off coupon for the Bluray+DVD+Digital Copy combo pack (ZING! Dollars saved!), but the price tag shouldn't matter. The film's only been out since Tuesday, and I think I've watched it five times. "Winnie The Pooh" may be my favorite movie of 2011, you have an obligation to see it. Films like this don't come along often.

Today's (Morning) Tunes: Winnie The Pooh Soundtrack (if you don't know much about it, you're gonna be shocked and fall in love right away), The Smiths "Hatful of Hollow" (album)

1.3 Mr. Smith(s)

Today is a day I've been waiting for for some time now. My "Smiths: Complete" box set has arrived. And it is glorious.

8 Albums on 180-gram vinyl, 25 singles on 180 gram-vinyl, a DVD of all their videos, all their studio albums on CD, and additional artwork and poster and what not! My copy is 2428/4000, and it's my current pride and joy. To have a band's whole discography on vinyl is a feat, and for it to all be such high quality? Fantastic.

The Smiths weren't always one of my favorite bands. It wasn't until a few years ago that it all really started to make sense to me. They're considered a cultural milestone, but to so many, their achievements go unnoticed. I`m going to talk about my feelings about their legacy, what the band means to me, and what they still mean globally today.

The Smiths are honest. Their music doesn't pull any punches, it gets to the point, and that is a huge part of their beauty. The upbeat music with the lyrical cynicism make for a coupling that very few can properly achieve, and it really paints a picture of what a soulful, emotive human mind is like. A very dear friend once tried to explain Morrissey's lyrics to me in the most simplified terms possible, it went something like this: "Sometimes, you're just shitty. Your life is shitty, you feel like the biggest loser in the world, and you know what? Morrissey's felt like that too, and it's nice to hear somebody sing about it.". It's all there: honesty.

The climate that The Smiths existed in and were born from must have been a dreadful one to be in, even more so now than the current Top 40 domination. Why? Well by 1982, when they formed, synthpop was getting big. Like, BIG (think how many vampire movies and tv shows there are right now, but replace it with generic euro-influenced synth pop. Gross, I know.). It's not to say there wasn't stand out talent in that field, but it was everywhere. Bands like Zeppelin were yesterdays news, partially because they too had spawned hundreds of shittier, washed out imitators, and popular rock music was basically dead in the water. Even Bowie had gone experimental, and punk was already reviving and reshaping itself for the umpteenth time. There really wasn't a band for the people, one that snobs could find content in, but the average everyman could connect with.

Enter The Smiths.

They dabble in so much, touch on so many different styles and tempos and genres, it's something that only The Beatles ever REALLY pulled off, but I firmly believe that The Smiths did too. They are music for everyone, whether you know it yet or not. Only really stupid difficult people pretend to reject the spectacle and cultural landmark that is The Beatles, and if more people gave themselves the chance to have that "aha!" moment with Morrissey, Marr and Co., they'd probably find similar solace in The Smiths.

Fact: Every single quality band to come out of the UK since The Smiths isn't afraid to cite them as an influence. Most of them have even covered a Smiths song at some point. Their legacy can't be ignored. The Stone Roses, Oasis, Blur, Radiohead, Coldplay, Arctic Monkeys, The Libertines, EVERYONE owes something to The Smiths. Explore the Smiths deep but limited catalogue, and next time you listen to Alex Turner's wordplay, you'll know the guy loves him some Morrissey.

Morrissey: A geek who just wants to share his feelings with a pretty girl. Or guy. WE'LL NEVER KNOW!

The Smiths clicked with me about two months before I saw Morrissey live, a priveledge very few people I know have had. Thank God I finally "got it", otherwise the spectacle of Morrissey and everything he TRULY stands for would have been lost on me. It remains one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. Morrissey truly is who he is, he lives and breathes what could be deemed his "public persona" because that's who he really is. He doesn't hide, he certainly speaks his mind, and even when I've had my issues with him, it's probably because I'm too much of a little bitch to stand for my opinion or convictions even in the face of blinding backlash. (He's suing NME for libel, imagine that. Hope he wins BIG)


The Smiths made beautiful music. The first time I heard "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out" was the first time I realized the sensation of wanting someone there in your last moment, and finding that person. It was a revalation, in music, songwriting, poetry, in language and life. I still don't believe there's a better song in their library, but I'm determined to beat the contents of this box to death attempting to find one...

If you don't listen to The Smiths, tell me why. And consider that maybe it just hasn't hit you yet. One day, the awkward delivery, the startlingly upbeat music, all of it will make sense. It's beautiful, it's definitive, and at the end of the day, fans simply say "It's The Smiths. They're in a category of their own."

Today's Tunes: Florence + The Machine "Ceremonials" (album), The Stone Roses (album), The Smiths (catalogue!)

1.2 "If I had a pitchfork..."

It's simple: If I had a pitchfork, I'd find "Dan Martin (NME journalist) and chase him down. I wouldn't KILL him, that's not the person I am these days, but I think with a pitchfork in hand, he'd be frightened enough to explain why he's an insufferable asshole of a journalist.

I should explain the situation, before everyone inevitably rallies to my cause. Coldplay's new album, "Mylo Xyloto" dropped October 24th, and it's received what I'd call "favorable to extremely positive" reviews. Some call it a masterpiece, others a good follow up, few call it a letdown. Little Danny, however, decides to open his excuse of a review with a paragraph about Chris Martin's personal life, (a subject Martin himself LOATHES discussing, he walked out of a radio interview in NYC this week) and caps that off with a claim that Coldplay were dismissed initially as a "less-interesting Starsailor".

Now that's assinine for a couple reasons, but the chief one being this: WHO THE FUCK ARE STARSAILOR? They're nobodies, especially anywhere but the UK. Their first single charted almost a year after Coldplay had released "Yellow" (which charted in a little market Starsailor never really cracked... The US.), and they didn't fare much better after that anyway. Did you know they've had four albums? Nope. Clearly, they're about as interesting as watching paint dry. Noel Gallagher only ever had time to call their lead singer "a cock". Pretty high praise.

Coldplay have always been compared to Radiohead's early work, because when Coldplay appeared on the scene, Radiohead had just released "Kid A", and they didn't really sound like Radiohead anymore, did they? They'd become something else, and LAZY SHITTY journalists at NME had to crown "the next Radiohead" to sell toilet paper magazines. Enter Coldplay in the eyes of NME. Anyone with a brain knows the two are leagues apart, but again, not a concern to NME.

I digress. Dan Martin procedes in his review to bombard Coldplay's reputation and continues to undermine their many impressive achievements, backhanded compliment here, journalistic contradiction here, etc. It's a miracle the man is PAID to write this. "‘Major Minus’ occasionally threatens to erupt into a grunge anthem.". A grunge anthem? Really? Is this 1993? Just because "Nevermind" got reissued (covered to DEATH by NME) this year doesn't mean grunge is reviving. Who writes a grunge anthem with a chorus that goes "ooh ooh"?

But it's when he nears the end of the review that he really screws the proverbial pooch: "But far, far too many of the songs – ‘Us Against The World’, ‘A Hopeful Transmission’, ‘Don’t Let It Break Your Heart’ – are as cruelly magnolia as anything else in their catalogue." Folks, I don't know if you've listened to "Mylo" yet (do yourself the favor, I'll be mentioning it enough), but "A Hopeful Transmission"? It's a 33 second ambient instrumental that bridges the bleakest moment on the album with, in my opinion, it's greatest track. HOW CAN A 33 SECOND INSTRUMENTAL BE CRUELLY MAGNOLIA? AND WHEN DID MAGNOLIA BECOME THE WORD TO USE TO DESCRIBE BLATANT EMOTION?

I was confused and outraged at that. It's like he didn't even listen to the album. And yet, one mere sentence later, it all makes sense: "On the vague and hypnotic ‘Princess Of China’, Rihanna once again proves that badass and fabulous as she is on her own records, she’s hopelessly uncompelling on other people’s." I see now!

This man, paid to write music reviews for what was once considered NOT a smut rag, and an actual credible source of journalism, is a Rihanna fan. And I'm sorry, but if Rihanna is considered fabulous, then how did Coldplay not score a 12/10? They write their own tunes! Rihanna grows more and more a crafted image every single day. Remember what she was like BEFORE Lady Gaga? She wasn't constantly singing about dick, I can tell you that much! She's been manufactured and marketed to compete with the other idiots occupying the Top 40, and heaven forbid Coldplay should try to water down her integrity!

To be fair, "Sex in the air baby, I love the smell of it" is a much better line than "Through chaos as it swirls, it's us against the world". They're both about... love?

Honestly, I've had my fair share of squabbles with NME. But it's their backhanded, backstabbing journalism that has got my goat for the last time. You can read a giant expose on the sound of a bands new album on one page, then turn the page to find them on a list of the most boring acts in music today. It's nonsense! If you want to pull punches and hate something, do it. But don't act all smiles like that. Q Magazine is guilty of that, it's got great contents info-wise, but they won't stand for anything. And you know what? I like Q.

NME's Albums of the Decade should simply have been the top 10 albums from their yearly list from the years 2000-2009. Instead, it was garbage, half of it sat from 2008 and 2009! Albums that have barely stood any test of time. In 2002, "A Rush Of Blood To The Head" was NME's ALBUM OF THE YEAR! And it didn't make the list. It's ridiculous. They've done the same things to Kings of Leon, golden boys who can't get the time of day anymore when it comes to journalistic respect, but hey, if they need a cover story, NME's ready to shake your hand and pull a "Bryan Cranston in 'Drive'" on you as soon as you relax your grip. (HUGE points for anyone who knows what that is)

Pat Bateman would know what to do with Dan Martin

So this is it: I'm done with NME professionally. Like the Christian Bale's before me, "we're done man, we're through, McG control your crew, he's diddling around in the shot, da dada dada, and we're trying to shoot a bloody scene, Bryce is right here and he's walkin' around behind, da dada dada, no NO! You calm down!" Seriously though, they can report me the news, but I will not buy another issue of that smut rag until something changes. I've been buying NME for almost 10 years, but I can't stand it any more. Utter garbage, and it's Dan Martin's blatant idiocy that led me to it.


Today's Tunes: Coldplay "Mylo Xyloto" (album), Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds (album), The Black Keys "Lonely Boy", Brandon Flowers "Flamingo" (album), The National "High Violet" (album)


PS. PITCHFORK MEDIA, HATERS OF ALL MAINSTREAM MUSIC, GAVE IT A 7.0/10, THE HIGHEST THEY'VE EVER RATED COLDPLAY. NME fucked up. (This last one slipped out.)